I keep smiling, but my face must have blazed into color. I haven’t been this nervous about being with someone since the first time I had decided to have sex. The moment arrives, I am still blushing, what do I say? What do I do? Do I kiss him? As a perfect gentleman, he just says “Hello Sandra, I’ve been waiting for you.” With a beautiful smile that I just can’t resist, our lips find themselves on their own. It is a soft, wet kiss, his tongue twirling in my mouth knowing exactly what it is supposed to do, and there is not an ounce of doubt in his movements. His hands caress my face, and then one runs down my neck to settle behind my back, bringing us even more closely together. The other holds me by the back of the head and I sense it is so I couldn’t run away. As if I was crazy enough to want to leave a kiss like that! My hands start opposite of his by grabbing his ass and work their way up under his jacket, to finally land themselves on his back; just to be sure he doesn’t leave. Rachel had deeply wanted to have sex with me. I don’t know if she had gotten drunk with that in mind, or if simply being drunk had made a passing idea a determination. Either way she deeply wanted that.I don’t think it was from hope of pleasure. We never really talked about that event again. I think she either wanted to share that with me- to christen our relationship- or she was praying beyond all hope we could have a child together. It was extremely meaningful that she needed to do either. Somewhere in her mind having sex with me was of great importance.It was not meaningful because it was pleasant. Only two pleasant things came out of it. One of which was that it was touching that she wanted to. The rest of it was horrific. We didn’t see each other for a practically a year; the longest we were ever apart when she was alive. I lost that time with her. Our trip together out of Wichita was cut abruptly short; we never spent such a short time together before that.The pleasure I got.
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